This was me around 20 years ago. I was about 24. I was having another go at modelling after doing quite a bit when I was a kid. A photographer who was well- known at the time suggested I could crack the European market. Pretty flattering, right? He then went on to say that I would probably need a nose job first because my nose was a little too wide.

Up until this point I had been quite happy with my nose. I was quite happy with who I was, but this incident made me question my looks and my facial features. It was like stamping a big sign on my forehead saying, ‘She’s not pretty enough.’

I confided in my dad who told me that if I changed my face, I would no longer be his daughter. It made me stop and think – what if I changed my nose and then someone said I needed bigger lips? Different eyebrows? Higher cheekbones? Where would it end? Who had the right to decide what was and wasn’t attractive?

I was smart enough to realise I was more than my looks and had more to offer the world than a perfect nose. That was the reality check I needed; right then and there I decided the modelling industry wasn’t for me, but I wonder how things would have played out if I had been younger and this incident had taken place in today's world. With social media just a click away, would my self-esteem have taken a battering? Would I, like many young females today, have scrolled through and compared myself to thousands of other people's strategically posed selfies? Would I have resorted to showing more flesh to gain popularity and take the focus away from my supposedly imperfect nose?

Young girls today have been sold a message that they can do anything, that their body belongs to them and nobody has the right to tell them what to do with it. It was a hard-fought battle by women of previous generations that brought us to this point and for the most part, it’s a positive message. But, with the popularity of social media and self-made celebrities like Kim Kardashian, many young females have taken this to mean that taking sexy, suggestive selfies is the way to claim this independence.

I’ve seen 12 and 13-year-old girls posting photos of themselves in g-string bathers, underwear and with plunging necklines. They're still children at this age! They are sexualising themselves in order to compete in the social media stakes. I understand some people share body images to illustrate how they overcame a health issue; that’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about the notion that young people buy into - sexual images buy social media popularity.

While some will say this is an example of their confidence and positive self-image (and I acknowledge that’s true to a degree), there are better ways of showing confidence than posting revealing pictures of yourself to gain adulation, followers and ‘friends’. Is the scramble to gain clicks and likes the new form of keeping up with the Joneses? And if it is, what is the cost?

Is this what we want the world to look like? Is this what we want to leave to our daughters and sons?

How different would social media and the world in general be if females showcased their intelligence and their passions instead of their body? How much kinder would the world be if they shared their life stories – their failures and their triumphs? How much stronger would woman be, and how much more emotional growth would this produce in the males in our lives?

There is more to femininity than cleavage and a sexy body. Share who you are and use social media as a tool to success and change rather than to win some superficial popularity contest. Your looks and body will change with age, this is inevitable, but your talents, passions, quirks and the unique essence of you will only strengthen with age if nurtured and allowed to flourish.

Remember, the thing you feed will grow strongest. Feed your soul because you can never subdue the appetite of social media.

In our last article, we met four different women who all had post-natal depression (PND). Their family situations, symptoms, coping mechanisms and behaviours during that time all differed. Luckily for all these women and their families, they sought help.

Here are their stories.

Zoe

“The penny dropped for me when my husband called me at lunch one day and said, ‘You sound like you're crying. Are you okay?’ I said, ‘No, I'm not okay. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't be her mum. I don't love her. I don't even like her. I don't want to be with her and I resent her. I resent that she takes me away from the twins’. ”

At first, Zoe’s husband tried to convince her she did love the baby, but when he realised there was a serious issue, he immediately took on extra household tasks and took over childcare duties so Zoe could get a decent night’s sleep.

Zoe had suffered from depression as a teenager, so she knew the symptoms, but it wasn’t until she had that first full night's sleep that she realised she was in the grip of PND and needed help. She immediately went to see her GP and started taking antidepressants. She also engaged a sleep consultant for the baby, which led to the discovery that her daughter was suffering from silent reflux.

SARAH

Sarah’s road to recovery was different. Although she was in regular contact with her Maternal Health Nurse, the nurse was so focussed on breastfeeding issues that she did not pick up on Sarah’s PND symptoms.

Sarah says, “I think Maternal Health Nurses should be asking more questions about how the mother is feeling, not just how the baby is doing.”

Sarah didn't seek professional help, but her PND gradually eased with vital support and help from her husband who reassured her they were in it together and that he was there to help. Her parents also gave her much-needed respite by looking after the baby overnight from time to time. Most important of all for Sarah was the fact that her loved ones did not make her feel guilty or inadequate by questioning or judging.

BROOKE

In contrast to Sarah, Brooke was fortunate enough to have a Maternal Health Nurse who gave her unconditional understanding and valuable professional advice. Brooke also confided in her husband who supported her and encouraged her to be completely honest about her feelings.

TINA

Tina’s family knew all was not right, so they were thrilled when she sought professional advice from two counsellors and a G.P. When she finally found the courage to tell her friends how she had been feeling, she was shocked to learn that some of them had suffered PND too.

The hardest thing for these women came down to two things – recognising they had PND and being brave enough to articulate their feelings to someone who could help. In all these cases, support from family and friends was an essential part of their recovery.

Here are some things you can do to support a loved one going through PND.

Provide emotional support by listening even if you don’t fully understand what she is going through. Allow her to voice her feelings without fear of judgement.

Do not make light of what she is feeling, no matter how uncomfortable you are. Validate her feelings even if you don’t understand them.

Don’t tell her to ‘get over it’. Instead, reassure her that you are there for her and that PND is not a life sentence. Let her know you are in it for the long haul and will help in any way you can.

As hard as it may seem, do not take her actions or words personally.

Provide as much practical support as possible. Taking on extra household chores or childcare duties will ease some pressure and allow her some much-needed rest.

Encourage her to seek help from a professional. If she finds this difficult, offer to make the appointment for her and to accompany her to it.

Educate yourself on PND. It will help you understand some of what she is going through and will assist you in noticing if symptoms get worse.

If she is disinterested in usual activities, encourage her to take some time out and do something just for herself.

She may not be as interested in sex as she once was. Do not pressure her or make her feel guilty. She may be sleep-deprived, anxious, adjusting to changes in her body, self-conscious or worried about becoming pregnant. Again, try not to take it personally.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. If the house is a mess, don’t judge. If the state of the house really worries you, do a few extra jobs yourself.

Accept offers of help and encourage her to accept offers of help. This does not make either of you inadequate parents. On the contrary, it makes you smart parents and your entire family will benefit.

Try not to use work to avoid the situation at home. This may be a difficult time for both of you, but withdrawing now will only compound problems.

At times you may feel resentful and as though it’s all about your partner and baby, so confide in a good friend or family member when things get tough.

PND is not a life sentence, but it does take time to recover from. Always encourage the sufferer to seek professional help, and if symptoms get worse, seek immediate medical advice and assistance.

*Links to places that may be able to assist are at the end of this article.

If you know someone who is suffering from PND and you want to send them something to show you care, consider sending them an Empathy Gift Box. The items in these care packages have been specifically chosen to support people suffering from grief, depression or anxiety or you can customise your own gift box tailored to your special mum having a challenging time.

Symptoms of Postnatal Depression

Postnatal Depression (PND) can develop during pregnancy, immediately after birth or even a year after giving birth. Although there are some risk factors that increase your chances of developing PND, PND does not discriminate and, unlikely as it may seem, even men can suffer from it.

This is the first of three articles which explore PND.

PND does not manifest in exactly the same way for everybody. Often the person suffering from it does such a good job of hiding the symptoms that even those closest to them do not realise they have it.

The symptoms and triggers for the women in this article were unique to them. Their backgrounds, beliefs, upbringing and life experience all differed; the one thing they had in common was PND.

ZOE

“I hate even saying this, let alone writing it, but I came to resent my daughter. I did not want to be with her. I found her exhausting and I could not bond with her. She was draining me of every ounce of energy and patience that I had. Throughout the day I wanted to run. I would sit there and think about whether I could just get in the car and drive away.”

Zoe’s PND came from left field. Two years before, she had given birth to twin boys. She had bonded easily with them and cherished the time they spent together. During her second pregnancy, she suffered nausea and vomiting around the clock as well as a condition called symphysis pubis dysfunction which meant she had to use a walking frame just to get around. But, even with all of this, she expected to bond with her daughter once she was born. It didn’t happen. Instead, she was caught up in a maelstrom of emotions that threatened to overwhelm her and her family.

She says of that time, “I missed my sons so much, even though they were right there. I resented my daughter for taking away my time with them. I was pushing my husband’s buttons. I resented him for going to work each day. When he would snap, I would scream at him and shake because I wanted to physically harm him. I wanted to tell him to f*** off.”

Zoe had been diagnosed with clinical depression when she was fourteen so she knew what depression felt like, but because she still felt love, affection and joy toward her twin boys, she didn’t realise she was suffering from PND.

SARAH

Sarah’s PND symptoms manifested differently to Zoe’s. She was constantly anxious, isolated and on edge. Well-meaning advice from other people only added to Sarah’s anxiety and insecurity and made her question everything she was doing. She had contact with a Maternal Health Nurse, but the nurse was focused on breastfeeding issues and never picked up on Sarah’s anxiety.

“I was afraid that when the baby cried, I wouldn’t know what to do. I felt like crying all the time. I put myself under pressure. I thought I should be able to do this. I should be more competent. No one understood what I was going through.”

BROOKE

Brooke’s symptoms began during pregnancy. Although she had moments when she felt wonderful, it only took a small thing to make her feel insecure and send her plummeting into depression and anxiety.

“I was sensitive and fragile. I felt self-conscious about my body and how it was changing. At times I felt out of control of my body.”

When her baby was born, she was full of self-doubt and lacked confidence in her mothering abilities. She had very high expectations of herself but felt she wasn’t living up to them. She felt like a fraud when she went out on playdates, trying to pretend everything was fine and that she was coping when inside she was crumbling.

TINA

In contrast to Brooke’s experience, Tina had a very positive and healthy pregnancy, but things took a turn for the worse when her baby was born.

“I had terrible anger management issues. I lacked a bond with my baby and I was grieving the loss of my life before kids. I couldn’t see the good in anything. I couldn’t smile or laugh.”

Tine struggled with the way in which her life had irrevocably changed and had to learn to love her baby.

Many people are surprised to learn how prevalent PND is. Often, people suffering from PND do not even realise they have it. If you or a loved one identify with some of the following symptoms, it might be time to seek help.

Difficulty sleeping or broken sleep that is not related to your baby’s sleep patterns.Ongoing tiredness or exhaustion that cannot be solely attributed to being a new mum.Changes in appetite.Being unable to see the good in anything and/or losing interest in things you once enjoyed.Being constantly angry, moody, anxious, sad or irritable.Being afraid to look after your baby.Feeling unable or resistant to communicating with your partner, family or friends.An increase in alcohol consumption.Taking drugs as a method of coping with the demands of parenthood.Having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming your baby.Feeling constantly stressed, sometimes accompanied by headaches and/or muscle tension.Feeling alone and isolated.Feeling like no one understands what you are going through.

If you have these symptoms, or you know someone who has, encourage them to seek help from a medical professional. See the links at the end of this article for further online information.

In Post Natal Depression - Part 2 we will look at what each of these women did to resolve their Post-Natal Depression and how you can support a loved one who is suffering from PND.

If you are looking for a tangible way to show a loved one you care, you might like to purchase one of our Empathy Gift Boxeswhich contain items that have been carefully chosen to support people suffering grief, anxiety and depression.

When I suffered a bout of depression, I felt blindsided. It came out of the blue. I had battled weeks of untreated anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia and racing thoughts, all of which were incredibly debilitating, but depression was all consuming.

If you have been fortunate enough to avoid this incapacitating condition, it is difficult to understand how it feels. Describing depression is impossible. I could tell you that it was like falling into a bottomless pit with neither the hope nor will to climb out. I could tell you it was like being smothered in a blanket of lethargy, loathing and despair, but even these words are inadequate.

Now I am a fairly positive outgoing person, so when I felt like crying all the time, hiding away at home and not wanting to see anyone, it was frightening. More terrifying was the overwhelming feeling that I couldn’t ‘snap out of it’. I had no control over this.

Friends and acquaintances were shocked that someone like me could suffer from depression. Responses from people who didn’t understand or didn’t know how to handle the situation did not help; some people avoided me, and some said unhelpful things that made me retreat further.

It’s difficult for people who have never experienced anxiety and/or depression; I get that. However, just as you would empathise and try and help someone who is experiencing a physical disease such as cancer, so should you try and respond to someone who is suffering a mental condition such as depression. Both are life-threatening. Suicide statistics prove that.

What did help (apart from time and rest) was the practical support I got from others as well as the messages, phone calls, cards and gifts from friends, letting me know I was loved and cared for.

So, how can you help? What can you do or say to make things easier?

SAY

DO

For the first two years after my brother died, I kept so busy, I barely had time to think, let alone process emotions. I was mum to a little girl and running a fashion boutique when I doubled my massive workload by opening another store for kids. Crazy I know, but at least I was too busy to feel my pain.

Then one day, I was cleaning out a linen cupboard when I came across my brother’s black coat. I pressed it to my face, hoping I could inhale the scent of him, but there was nothing to smell. I put it on and suddenly I was overwhelmed with grief.

I could not stop crying. The pain was excruciating. Huddled in my brother’s coat, all that I had repressed over the last two years burst through. I felt so terribly bereft, but my sadness was punctuated with bursts of anger. The cycle repeated - anger, sadness, anger, sadness.

I realised I needed grief counselling; I had to confront what had happened and process these emotions.

I found a clinical psychologist who I felt reasonably comfortable with and listened to what she had to say. She told me I was stuck in grief and that grief is something that you can move on from six months after losing someone.

Six months?

My brother was 35 when he died of cancer. He was a beautiful brother and a wonderful man. How could I, after just six months, ‘move on’ when I had spent my whole life loving him?

It was impossible to process a loss this immense in just six months, and I told the psychologist so.

It’s now nearly 13 years since my brother has gone and here is what I have learned about grief in that time.

Grief does not follow a logical path. It differs for everyone. There is no one way you ‘should’ experience grief. It cannot be organised or controlled. It may hit you all at once in the supermarket while picking up milk, or it might come in unrelenting waves that leave you breathless and barely able to function.

Eventually, time will dull the pain so that it is bearable enough for you to enjoy memories of the time you spent together, but there is no magic formula for getting to that point and no magic number of days, months or years before you reach that point. You get there when you get there. Just remember, you WILL get there.

There are things you can try to assist you in accepting, processing and living with your grief. Writing helps. Either writing to your loved one or writing about them. You don’t have to be a poet or an author; you don’t even have to know how to spell. Just the act of getting words on paper can help. It’s up to you what you do with those words – keep them, burn them, share them or bury them.If you can’t write, try art. Again, you don’t have to be an expert here, just take to a canvas or paper with paint, crayon or coloured pencils and let the emotions out. Express yourself and your grief in whatever form it is in at that point in time. Sadness, denial, anger – these are only some of the emotions you might feel.

When you’re ready, take time to really mourn your loved one and accept that they aren’t coming back. The pain will be immense, but no matter how long you take to get there, this stage is unavoidable. I can promise you that once you move through this ‘dark night of the soul’, your journey becomes easier and your burden lighter Numbing the pain with drugs, alcohol, medication or anger might keep your pain at bay for a while, but in the meantime, you are wasting precious days that your loved one did not have the opportunity to live.

Thirteen years on, I still miss my brother like crazy but the anger is gone, and so is the intensity of the sadness. Now, my tears fall when someone shares a memory of him, but they are tears of pride and the joy of a love shared.

I don’t believe a time frame can be placed on grief. Grief takes as long as grief takes. It’s as simple and as complicated as that.

If you know someone who is dealing with grief, feel free to share this blog post with them.

If you want to express your empathy for a grief-stricken relative or friend but don't know how, consider an Empathy gift box. You may think that after the passing of a loved one, there are no gifts that will cheer someone up or take away their grief, but our empathy gift boxes are a little different – they contain thoughtfully chosen items from someone who has experienced grief. These items may assist in soothing, comforting and processing grief.

Its devastating when you find out someone you love and care about has been diagnosed with cancer. We all know someone who has had cancer or has died from cancer, its considered an ageing disease but cancer does not discriminate and can affect all of us at any age. Although survival rates have improved over the years with many types of cancers there is still a long way to go when we will see a cure for all cancers.

When my beautiful brother died of a brain tumour at 35 my world went very dark, I was angry, sad and anxious that my awesome, kind and funny brother had his life taken away from him when he loved his life so much. Life is not fair sometimes and that is just the way it is. It will be 13 years next March and although my grief is lighter my heart breaks that he hasn't been able to see his son grow into a beautiful young man or spend time doing all the things he loved to do, his love of music, good times with his mates and family and just being him and sharing his presence with us all.

Birthdays and Christmas are always hard without him but we all just try to remember the happy memories, Now dads gone too these times are even more difficult as our family gets smaller but its focusing on all the positive, beautiful, happy and genuine people we have in our lives that makes life happy still. Dad always said we just have to get on with things when we are faced with adversity, now I realise what he really meant was to just get up and don't give up, appreciate what we do have and try not to get all negative and miserable with what we don't. This works for me, I feel grateful to have had these two beautiful loving men in my life even though my biggest wish is that cancer did not exist.

Its so hard to know what to buy someone who is ill or has cancer. Flowers are a common gesture but at The Empathy Gift Co I want to be able provide gifts for someone who is going through cancer a little more helpful, practical and useful. We sell a lot of hospital gifts and comfort gifts to use at home. Here are our best cancer giftsthat will show your true understanding and support.

Sleep wear always makes a nice hospital gift if they having an operation and a hospital stay. Sleep masks and eye pillows are also great for sleep and relaxation

If your loved one is having cancer treatment such as chemotherapy or radiation these treatments can be very intense and take a toll on their body, mind and immune system. You can help by providing home cooked meals for them and their family - get a group of supportive friends, neighbours and family and create a meal train , this takes a lot of pressure off the family and can still provide them healthy home cooked meals from those that care about them. https://www.mealtrain.com/

We also sell Queasy drops for nausea, healing teas for relaxation, water bottles for hydration and our most popular are our adult colouring books and coloured pencils to do while having chemo. Radiation can make your skin ultra sensitive so our Berts Bees skincare range has been popular for those having treatment for cancer for both women and men.

We also have some beautiful journals and books written by cancer survivors which offer hope, comfort and plenty of practical advice to help navigate the changes and needs during treatment and healing.

Although gifts are beautiful way to show you care there is nothing more special than giving your time and ongoing support for your loved one during this challenging time. Even if you are not sure what to say or do - do some research online or ask others that may have gone through cancer treatment what they found helpful and comforting. This is a time where your loved one may feel vulnerable and if they know that you are there for them 100% it will give them some extra strength to be positive and feel more empowered to fight this insidious disease.

My childhood Christmas days were full of yummy food and fun times with my cousins, my brothers , my mum and dad and grandparents - family! I used to stare at our Christmas tree on Christmas Eve , with its flashing lights, bright coloured baubles and some of our school made decorations that mum always kept and brought out each year and feel so incredibly excited about the next day, yes I wont lie the presents were appealing to me but more importantly it was the frivolities we had as kids on this special family day.

As we grew older and our grandparents

had died with our cousins starting to have their our own families as did we our Christmases' became just about our immediate family, - mum, dad, Warwick and Alistair and our partners and these times were different but still really great we had lots of laughs and delicious feasts of course, it would be sometimes at mum and dads house , at our place or we would go out for lunch, then came along our fist child Chloe and Warwick and Nicole's first child Declan, children were now there at Christmas and this is when Santa came alive again and the magic of Christmas came back. Warwick loved Christmas just like me but he only got to spend one Christmas with his Son and then he died three months later.

I have never looked forward to Christmas ever since that last one we had with Warwick back in 2004. I'm not bitter or angry I just don't have the same passion and excitement for Christmas day anymore and now with dad gone its even harder. I still enjoy the day with my beautiful family, we still have laughs and loving moments but its lost the spark it once had and that's just the way it is and how I feel now. Christmas can be hard for a lot of people, they may not have strong and happy family connections, it may be their first without a loved one, they may be going through a break up or they may be unwell. The day can bring pressure for families to get together that may be dysfunctional, Its a day that many people who have had trauma in their families or childhood can suffer from anxiety or depression leading up to this holiday time.

When buying your gifts this year think of your friends, work mates, neighbours or family members who have suffered this year or going through something tough right now and let them know you are thinking of them. This Christmas day can be made that little bit easier knowing that they are supported and cared for by you. We get so involved in our own stuff and our own family at this time that maybe considering supporting and gifting someone you wouldn't usually could bring the real meaning of Christmas into your heart and theirs.

Grief for me has been the most heart retching pain I have ever experienced it actually physically feels painful. I know I am not alone in feeling this pain. Everyone is different the way they deal with their grief and I understand having experienced two major losses in my brother nearly 13 years ago and my dad just 2 years ago that I would never judge or question the way someone responds to their loss.

When you lose someone you learn who will be there for you and isn't this is good thing because you only want those around you that truly want to comfort you and be there for you. Some people will expect you to get over it after 6 months or so; Often these are the people who have never experienced loss. Grief changes you forever, you choose how you react to it and how you deal with it but you will look at your life differently and will mostly likely live your life differently. I have always been a positive person so although I have been devastated by my losses I will not let them define me in a negative way. Out of respect for the way my brother and dad lived their lives I will continue to be the best version of my self I can be and live my life to the fullest, just like they did.

When I lost these beautiful men I did find some comfort over the months after their deaths and funerals and I would like to share with you what and who has helped me heal.

1. Self care - this is so important , sleep , eat, relax in warm baths do whatever you can to look after your wellbeing. Avoid alcohol and drugs to numb the pain. the pain needs to be felt so you can process it and heal.

2. Talk about your loved one as much as you like to those that you trust and love.

3. Let the tears flow, whenever and wherever and don't apoligise for it. there is no time limit to grieve, if you get stuck in regrets or what ifs, seek professional counselling sometimes we need help to process these thoughts and feelings.

4. Sometimes we lose contact with friends and family members and conflict can happen because of everybodies different beliefs, behaviours and opinions on the loss. Just stay true to yourself and values. You always find out who is there for you in devastating times in your life and sometimes its those you don't expect so embrace those caring souls and remember them.

5. Time does help if you let it; moving forward with your life, your passions, what makes you happy. DO the things that bring you comfort, read, music whatever it is take the steps forward to enjoy the beauty that life does has to offer, having sad moments and days is completely normal but remember you have your life to live so don't let the Grief consume you for the rest of your life.

One thing that comforts me most today is when others speak of my loved ones and share their memories of them, this makes me feel proud knowing that they are not forgotten and forever loved. So If someone you know has lost someone recently or even years ago, talk about their loved one, the happy memories you have of them this will bring a nice feeling of comfort to them.

Our Sympathy, Condolence gift boxes and care packages offer a different alternative to fresh flowers. We sell a lot of pampering products, candles and even books to bring comfort to those grieving. We can also help you customise your own Bereavement gift box to show your true understanding and care at a very sad time for someone you love.

I have always admired my parents marriage, they were married for 53 years and together for 56. Right up until my dads death their relationship was strong and healthy. They had great mutual respect, were always affectionate and they stood by each other through all the adversity they had experienced over their time together, had a wonderful fun social life and lived their lives to the full. I knew I wanted a marriage like that.

2 marriages in every 1000 people will end in divorce and the average marriage lasts 12 years.1

I don't know what the are stats for couple who co habit and breakup but from what I have found from my peers and as I age into my 40s I am seeing many relationships end.

I asked a group of face book friends who had experienced a long term break up or divorce what advice would you give to someone going through a break up now.

Here is the best 10 wisest and comforting advice for those experiencing this difficult circumstance right now.

1. Breathe.......slowly and try meditation to reduce stress levels and try to do some exercise every day, even if its just going for a walk.

2. Your marriage or relationship didn't fail it concluded.

3. seek professional help, counselling with a relationship specialist or phycologist can help you process this time in a very healing way.

4. Have an image in your mind of how you would like your life to look and make it happen.

5. Cry all you need and keep eating even if you don't feel like it or want to.

6. If children are involved don't say negative things about the other parent but also don't let yourself be bullied by that person either.

7. Find the goodness in every moment and trust that being kind is the easiest way to deal with heartache, anger and pain. It takes the least emotional energy and everybody will feed off your energy.

8. You are stronger than you know and despite this tough time there IS light at the end of the tunnel.

9. If you have kids remind yourself daily of the example you want to be for them in a relationship.

10. Make sure your finances are in order and seek professional advice if you need to.

When it comes to gifting someone going through a divorce or break up we have sold a lot of pampering care packages for both women and men. Self help books are great and often have a lot of practical tips and advice from someone who has been through it. Comfort food and a little alcohol has also been popular but more importantly what your loved one needs when they are going through this stressful time is you to be there for them with a listening ear and lots of hugs.

Thank you to my face book friends for their time and generous advice.

1. http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/mf/3310.0

I first started experiencing anxiety symptoms at 18; tight chest, racing thoughts and panic attacks, I had no idea what was happening to me or why, many times I thought I was dying. I was a very happy and outgoing teenager with a very happy family life and many friends. I never went to a doctor as they would go away for a while and then come back now and then. I was functioning; studying and working so didn’t really see it as a mental health problem.

At the age of 24 whilst working I was experiencing it again and decided that I needed to address it so went and saw my GP, he diagnosed me with Anxiety and we started on a low dose Antidepressant, I told him I wasn’t depressed but he explained that If I continued to ignore these symptoms it could turn into depression. I gave it a go and felt better pretty quickly, this was the beginning of my recovery of Anxiety.

Although I have had some setbacks over the years I have lived a very normal and healthy life, I have addressed it when I have needed to and I am so glad I got the help when I did. When I suffered in my late teens and early 20s, I didn’t know anybody that was experiencing the same thing. My friends didn’t understand and I felt completely isolated.

I am so glad to see that there is so much more awareness now and that there is plenty of support networks and programs to seek help. Now at nearly 43 I have met hundreds of people who have had anxiety or depression in their life time or are dealing with it today.

In any one year, around 1 million Australian adults have depression, and over 2 million have anxiety.

Anxiety is the most common mental health condition in Australia. On average, 1 in 4 people – 1 in 3 women and 1 in 5 men – will experience anxiety.1

At The Empathy Gift Co we sell a lot of comfort products to support someone going through Anxiety and depression. More than anything your loved ones going through this challenging time need you to be there with warmth, kindness, patience and no judgement and giving a little gift will also make them feel loved and supported.

Here are our Top 5 Gifts for men and women.

1.Healing Teas from Tea Amo -

These two teas Calm and Unwind have been our best seller, the herbal ingredients have a sedative and relaxing effect and are ideal for someone dealing with worry and stress.

2. Coffee/tea Mugs and Candles

Inspirational mugs and our broad selection of soy candles have been equally popular, with Supportive quotes and calming and fresh scented candles they have been an easy choice for the gift giver.

Self care is absolutely imperative when you are suffering from Anxiety or depression. Taking warm baths, going for walks, resting, having a massage and being kind to yourself is the only way to heal. Getting well again takes time so treating yourself well and gently is a must. Here are our Best selling pampering products

These hand made pewter stamped inspirational and comforting key rings and pocket tokens have been fantastic for both males and females. Often the person who is dealing with this mental health setback just needs to know that everything is going to be ok and that they will be well again. Give them that promise with one of these.

I love being able to help you communicate your love and support to those you care about going through a stressful time and as someone who knows Anxiety very well I am sure that these gifts will give your special person the comfort and care they need.

If anyone reading this is experiencing debilitating symptoms of Anxiety or Depression please visit your GP or

visit Beyond Blue

1.Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2008). National Survey of Mental Health and Wellbeing: Summary of Results, 2007. Cat. no. (4326.0). Canberra: ABS.

Our purpose at The Empathy Gift Co is to provide comforting and healing gift boxes to people going through challenging times; so this may be illness, Grief , Depression, relationship break up, losing a job or just having a run of difficult circumstances.

Gifting a man going through a challenging time or even for his birthday or Christmas can prove difficult, men often struggle with expressing their emotions and can often hide feelings of stress and anxiety. They need to know they are appreciated, loved and supported and what better way to do it with a gift box from The Empathy Gift Co. Giving vouchers and gift cards is too easy. If you want to put a bit more thought into something unique and special we can help you.

I have sourced some hard to find gifts locally in Australia and OS and these have been our very best sellers for the guys.

These kits have been very popular, if the man you are buying for is a keen golfer, traveller, loves camping or enjoys fitness these kits have it all. These also make a great hospital gift for him too. You can customise your gift boxwith us and select other best sellers too

I have sourced only the very best self help books that have truly helpful practical tips, inspiration and offer comfort to the reader. Don't ever feel weird about buying books for a man going through a difficult time, often it is just the thing he needs to feel less alone and know that you care enough to want to and support him

They say the way to mans heart is through is stomach, its no wonder these sweet treats have been very popular for the guys.

4.Good Luck charms from Kutuu

These inspirational and comforting hand stamped pewter key rings and pocket coins have been popular for guys grieving and suffering with an illness. Very durable and remind them that they are loved and supported no matter what the adversity.

Guys really love receiving gifts and even more so when they are needing support and feeling vulnerable. We have Pre-made gift boxesavailable and you can also add items to these or you can customise your own gift boxand choose a selection of products that suit his interests or circumstance.

We are also available to help you if you are not sure what to choose or how to communicate your affection, we want to make sure that your special man feels appreciated, loved and supported in every way.

Gift wrapping and gift boxes are complimentary and we deliver Australia wide.

Contact us today!

I have always been a very passionate person. I know that when I am passionate about something it drives me to make a difference, to act or create change.

I was criticized when I was younger for being outspoken, bold and for questioning things. This made me feel like I had to change, I needed to pull back, keep quiet and not be my true self. I was told because I was a girl I couldn’t do certain things like whistle, swear or play football. I was told that If I wanted to pay someone to do my ironing ( because I really bloody hated doing the ironing), I would need to marry someone rich.

This was the culture and society I grew up in. I fought against it and made sure I could earn my own money, I made sure I could survive and thrive without living with a man, I played football well just a couple of games in primary school, I whistle, I swear when I feel like it and I have a fierce belief in loyalty and integrity. I stand up for those who are treated wrongly even if it means someone won’t like me for it, this is something I know about me that makes others uncomfortable, I say what I think and if it’s not what the majority believes I can be disliked for it, I can’t control who likes me and I accept that, it took me at least 30 years to learn that but it gives me great peace, because I would rather live my life being me then pretending to be someone else just to fit in.

I am a role model to my children; my behaviours, actions and belief’s influence them. I hope my girls will carry on my positive traits and dismiss my many flaws. I’m certainly no perfect mother but I’m doing my very best and I hope that when my girls are women that they have the courage and self-belief not to try and fit in with anyone or society, that they run their own race and strive for what makes them happy whilst living their lives passionately with loyalty and integrity.

Im sure most of us have come across situations where we have been treated unfairly, disrespected abused or threatened in life. It can be very uncomfortable, hurtful and frightning for some. Bullying is a very common discussion amongst parents with school aged children, its also happens in the workplace and even in families. When I was younger we were told just to walk away or ignore the behaviour. We are also told we need to build resilience in kids because there is always going to be assholes out there.

Here are some Austrailian stats on Bullying in schools

· Roughly 1 in 4 students (27%) have reported being bullied, from primary to high school. This is lower than the 38% reported in 2006

· Hurtful teasing was reported as the most common bullying behavior, closely followed by lies.

· Bullying was more common for Year 5 students (32%) and Year 8 (29%).

· Bullying by females tended to be more covert, while males were more “in your face” about it.

· Peers are present in 87% of bullying interactions, mostly as onlookers who do nothing to help the victim.

· Racial bullying against Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders has actually improved compared to the 31% rate reported in 2005. Three years later the figure was down to 10%.

While there is improvement in some of these figures, it is clear that a lot remains to be done to control bullying in Australia.

I have highlighted the fact that in 87% of these situations onlookers are actually around when the harassment and bullying takes place and do absolutely nothing!!!

This is something that we need to change as parents, role models and as humans. We need to show support to people who are victims of this cruel behaviour. Yes confrontation is uncomfortable, ok you might not be a confident person to speak your mind but trust me if you push through this uncomfortableness and stand up for what you believe is right, you will be make a very noticeable difference to someone's life.

We need to make a stand that it’s not ok to be nasty, threaten or bully others. We need to support our friends and those we care about so they feel supported and not alone. Don’t stay quiet when you know someone is not being treated right, move forward with courage and be that person that stood up and calls out those shit behaviours and prove your loyalty to those who deserve it most.

As an onlooker, you might think it’s got nothing to do with me so why should I get involved, it’s got everything to do with you because if you look on or know that this vile behaviour is happening and do nothing you are very much part of the problem.

If anyone is experiencing any issues with bullying or harassments please contact

Kids Help line 1800 551 800 or Bully Zero Foundation (03) 90943718

I watched my parents get on with their lives after we lost my brother Warwick.They tried for 7 years to have him only to bury him 35 years later. Warwick's death devastated us as a family like nothing else. They got through this time with the love and support of each other, my brother Alistair and I and some amazing and comforting friends and family. But they were never the same. When we have children we know it is our responsibility to protect them, love them and raise them to become independent adults some day. No parents ever wants to outlive their child.

Unfortunately there are many families that experience this cruel and unfair fate, Today I interviewed an amazing , inspiring and courageous mother Marisa who has had to endure this unbearable sadness of burying her beautiful son Marcus at age 9. Marisa has openly shared her story to help others understand this type of grief as well as offer some kind advice on how we can all support those who face this traumatic situation.

How did you deal with being told your son at age 4 had a cancerous brain tumour?

When the Neurosurgeon gave us the news that Marcus had a brain tumour it was completely devastating …I remember looking at her thinking that she couldn’t be speaking about our little Marcus, that she has got it totally wrong…Thinking this only happens in the movies and in the morning i’ll wake up and it would all be a really bad dream..but unfortunately it wasn’t, as a parent you just go into survival mode and try to keep it all together for him and the family.

What kind of support did you receive during his illness?

We had a lot of support from family and friends and they were amazing.. It’s really does surprise you though who actually gives the most support to be honest ..You lose some friends, as they just don’t know how to deal with the whole “cancer” thing and then on the brighter note you gain some wonderful ones too ..Throughout the cancer journey we met some of the most beautiful families and found that as we could relate and you build a really strong bond. The RCH were wonderful also, the support we received from the nurses and our oncologist was truly amazing and as a cancer family we are all assigned a psychologist.

How did Marcus respond to his initial diagnosis and further relapse at 7?

Marcus was amazing throughout his whole cancer journey ..Initially he was quite young and really didn’t understand but he never really complained …He continued to go to Kinda/school as he loved being there with his friends. When Marcus relapsed at the age of 7, he was really upset by the news but as a family we always told him the truth about his diagnosis with what was going to happen and reassured him that we would get through it again and kick cancers butt for the second time..We tried to keep his life as normal as possible which made the hospital visits a little easier on him.

When Marcus died what sort of support helped you and your family?

We had so much support ..My cousin and his wife came over every day and brought us food/drink, they pretty much looked after us that whole week before the funeral as we were barely able to wake up in the morning let alone cope with day to day normality.. Our close friends were amazing also taking my daughter Mia to school and would always bring coffee …Sometimes its the simple things that really make a difference. And of course, our family were there whenever we needed them … The RCH has a great Social Work department and have a Family Bereavement support group once a month were all families that have lost a child at the hospital get together and speak about different topics and are able to share their thoughts and feelings. I also have been seeing a psychologist since Marcus passed which has been extremely helpful.

What have you learnt from your grief?

Living with grief is completely different everyday ..some days it hits me like a tonne of bricks, you feel like you can not breathe, with a dark cloud hovering over you and you wonder how you can possibly go on without your precious child……then you get days were you feel somewhat normal again ..I think that its really important to take your time and not listen to others if they tell you it's time to move on, grief has no time limit, it takes as long as it takes full stop … No matter how much life goes on or how much time passes, the truth is that you will grieve for the rest of you life, the only thing that changes is that you learn to live with it ..After a while you will smile again without feeling guilty, it takes time but it will happened and its ok.

What advice would you have for others who have a terminally ill child?

Hearing those horrid words that we have no more treatment options for your child, that you should take him home and enjoy the time you have left with him, still haunts me to this day …To have that feeling of not being able to save your child is the most tormenting feeling imaginable… we tried everything humanly and medically possible to help Marcus but in the end nothing worked and it was ultimately out of our hands.

My husband and I, with the guidance of Marcus’ Oncologist had decided not to tell him that he was going to die, partly due to his young age and more importantly because we wanted Marcus to enjoy the final days he had left with us without being scared….

Spend every living moment with your child, take loads of photos and videos.

Try not to blame yourself or question why "my child" because that will drive you completely crazy……and If you are struggling to deal with this, please seek help as it’s OK not to be OK ..

Losing Marcus has shown me how very precious and short life can be .. so Please don’t wait to do things “tomorrow" because “tomorrow" is not always guaranteed …

What advice would you have for those who are supporting a family with the loss of a child?

Just simply be there for the family not only when their child passes away but especially after all the funeral arrangements are over,It becomes so quiet when all the hype of the constant visitors disappear and you're left with an empty house …Continue to visit, if you not able to, a quick phone call for a chat ..It is very difficult to know what to say to some one who has lost a child but to be honest just try to be as normal as possible with them…because normality is all that we as bereaved parents could ask for from our loved ones,no need to ask if we are doing ok because we all know the answer that that question ….just normal conversation ….I know hearing what everyone was up to was what kept me going because, if only temporarily, it took my mind off my sadness...

How do you keep Marcus alive and how would you like him to be remembered?

We talk about Marcus every day ..Laugh about funny things he said or did …What makes us extremely happy is that all our family and friends always mention Marcus name as it does not make us sad. Hearing his name is like music to our ears and brings so much joy to know that he is remembered by all that knew and loved him … I constantly post photos on FB especially on his birthday and anniversaries. This gives me so much comfort and i love reading all the beautiful words and comments about our angel.

In Honour of our angel I have now joined forces with The Children’s Cancer Foundation and started a fundraising page raising much needed funds for Paediatric Brain Cancer research and clinical trials.. Its called The Marcus Rosin fund.

Thanks you so much to Marisa for her openness and honesty, this is a difficult and uncomfortable topic for many but if you ever had to experience this unimaginable grief you would certainly not be alone.

Please if anyone is interested in supporting childhood brain cancer please donate below. In memory of beautiful Marcus Rosin.

I have read hundreds of parenting advice blogs and articles from experts and other mums. It’s always been very important to me to try and get it right and be a good parent and raise healthy, happy kids. Sometimes I get it right and sometimes I don't.

I had my first child nearly 14 years ago, what a bloody shock that was, I was 28 and had been running my first fashion boutique for nearly 2 years and then comes along our new baby girl, we named her Chloe and I fell in love with her as soon as I saw her. I wasn’t prepared for the hard work ahead, I don’t think any of us are first time around.

Waking up to feed her every 2-3 hours was torturous and exhausting, there was no Foxtel or Netflix back then so it was infomercials at 2am to try and stay awake. she loved to be breast fed which was easy for me but that also meant that I had to express constantly to make sure she had a supply of food if I was away from her.

I went back to work after 2 weeks, I worked in the store 3 days per week and I took her with me each day and continued the daily routine of feeding, play and sleep whilst serving customers in between. I look back now and think how crazy I was,

what was I trying to prove? I certainly wasn’t able to truly enjoy being a mum whilst running a business and looking after our home, I have a very supportive husband but I have to admit the first 3 months of her life were very hectic with neither of us really knew what we were doing.

My anxiety crept in around these early days, I had an overwhelming need to protect her, I really didn’t want to be away from her at all and I even felt a little anxious when someone was holding her.

As time went on though my confidence grew and I felt quite comfortable being a mum. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and Andrew and I used to stare at her for ages and be so proud that we made her.

As the years went on and as she would meet each milestone, teething, toilet training, kindergarten, first day of school, the primary school years and then all of a sudden there she is starting secondary school. Life was pretty easy raising her in the early years she has a kind heart, makes friends easily and was always trying her best at school, she was a pretty happy and motivated kid and she was always very enthusiastic to go to school to be with her friends and quite happy to spend time with us as a family.

Then Things changed and she became a teenager, hormones, peer pressure and social media has influenced her in a lot of ways. Her friends have become her world and watching her navigate her way through having the right friends and the wrong friends has been difficult to watch, I have to admit that this so far has been the toughest time being a mum. Chloe is not a woman yet but she is also no longer a little girl.

The Social Media is a concern for me, the constant contact with others and knowing what everyone is doing sharing their daily habits, what they are eating, wearing and who they are hanging out with. its just constant sharing and nothing seems private or unseen.

Then there is the online bullying or just the mean things that is being said to each other or about others, I’ve seen some very nasty stuff online and knowing that my children are being exposed to this stuff is tough. I am encouraging her to block the negative things and people and I can only hope she takes notice and realizes it’s not healthy or helpful.

Having constant access to social media, videos, YouTube and movies is very influential on our kids. it’s certainly different to how we were influenced at that age, it was just Dolly, Cosmo and the 5 channels on TV. Her time spent looking at all this stuff is mostly wasteful but I’m also very aware that all teenagers are doing it. The fear of missing out (FOMO) is a massive problem and I can only hope that she manages it better as she grows older.

We have raised her to have manners, strong morals and values, respect for others and herself. But somehow when she became a teenager some other things seem to be more important to her and my guidance has less impact,at least it feels that way.

Sometimes I can’t believe I’m a mum of a teenager but I am and this is when I feel I need to get it right now more than when she was a little girl. Our family rules and values are vital to Andrew and I, it’s not easy sticking to them all the time and we sometimes need to do a lot of negotiating so there is peace in the house. I always read that consistency is the key but that can certainly be a challenge when scenarios we have never dealt with come up, what is the right consequences for poor behavior’s? Picking the battles worth dealing with can becomes a daily task.

We disagree and argue over social media and technology use, swearing, chores and her poor food choices. We openly talk about love/relationships, boys, parties and friendships. I love that she feels she can talk to me about most things.

Being a mum to a teenager has forced me to reflect on my time as a teenager, to really try to understand what she is feeling and going through – I was obsessed with clearing up my pimples that covered my fore head and chin, I wanted to put on weight because I was told I was too thin, I was a confident girl and that was threatening to some, I got into trouble for making stupid choices. I liked boys a lot but I had strong values so only kissing was my thing….and that was a lot of fun. I don’t have any regrets but thank god there was no Iphones or social media to record any of my slip ups.

I had some beautiful friends but I also had the wrong friends, the ones that would judge me, put me down or were jealous. I made mistakes……lots of mistakes, hell I still make mistakes, But I can honestly say that I learn from them, I understand that mistakes are a normal part of life and its ok to make them, it leads you to success and important lessons. I make sure I tell my daughters that a lot so they don’t carry shame or guilt when they make errors.

There is a fine line with setting boundaries and limitations on a teenager, they are craving freedom and independence in world where crime and violence is high, we fear for their safety out on the streets and online but at the same time I remember wanting the same things at her age. Letting go is hard for me, I still want to protect her from all the negative experiences I endured, but I also need to remember this is her life and she needs to make her own mistakes to learn just like I did.

I will always be there to support her and offer advice if she asks I do tend to offer my advice without her asking, she calls them speeches, but I’m working on that and trying to hold back and let her discover these significant lessons herself. You can’t put a wise head on young shoulders so I can only hope that she listens and thinks about what I tell her before acting and making certain choices, at least some of the time and when its most pertinent.

My mum was a beautiful mother, I always felt loved and supported by her but I feel she was less in tune with what was going on for me as a teenager. I was the youngest of three so I think they went a little easy on me. She also offered a lot of advice without me asking which used to annoy the hell out of me so I guess it’s something I have picked up from her, it comes from a good place but it’s not always helpful when you have a head strong and determined teenager.

I feel hurt and disappointed in Chloe when she disrespects me, her sister and her dad, I know she doesn’t mean most of the things she says, she’s under pressure as a teenager and I wish she didn’t worry about what others think. I’ve always encouraged her to be her own person and not to follow the crowd, it falls on deaf ears because she is at an age where all they want to do is fit in and be accepted. She has so much to offer this world and I hope that when she passes this phase she will believe that and thrive with whatever she wants to do in life.

When I gave birth to Chloe , Justine this delightful and caring mid wife placed her in my arms and she said this to me

“all you have to do is love her” I have never forgotten that….. that’s the easy part and of course I always will even though there have been moments when I feel like throttling her...I mean hugging her

I can’t offer any parental advice since I am no expert but I will say this – All you have to do is love them and then we can only hope that they turn out to be happy, healthy and balanced adults living the best life they can be X

Death is a subject not many of us want to talk about. When I was a little girl and discovered that we all die, it brought enormous fear to my mind and body. I remember trying to process the fact that we live a life and then we die, I was only about 7 so it was a lot to take in at that age and mum and dad comforted me in telling me it won’t happen for a very long time and you would have lived a full life, we all die they told me. When I thought of them dying before me it frightened the hell out of me.

Then the first death in my life came at 9 years old, the only grandmother I knew who gave me great comfort, lots of love, yummy dinners, fun sleep overs and spider drinks. I remember the morning she collapsed after an illness and how I prayed that she would survive, she had to, this wasn’t going to happen yet. She was 73 years old but she wasn’t a typically old woman, not a lot of wrinkles and still a lot of dark hair, She was beautiful and I loved her dearly.

Her funeral was really difficult for me, she had an open casket and I was determined to go see her so I could make sure it was for real. She looked so pale and ill and that image has haunted me for the rest of my life. I still dream about her after all this time, some have been really pleasant and comforting and other have been really strange, dreams are like that and I suppose I carry around that grief now because I was unable to process that loss at the time.

When I was 30, my beautiful loving and funny brother Warwick died of a brain tumour at 35. This was a major loss for our family, he was the peace maker, the music man, the fun guy and the dreamer of our family. I didn’t know how to deal with this. In my mind I was still trying to figure out a way to stop this from happening even when we knew he was going to die after a meeting with his doctors.

While at his bed side I cried and told him how much I loved him and that he was the most amazing brother. My other brother Alistair came into the room and cried at his feet. I could see he was hurting to see us so distressed so I decided then and there I was going to try and be brave and supportive, at least when I was with him.

Every day we would be with him until he took his last breath. When the final stages of death came we were not warned about the signs, the rattle breathing was very distressing for me and my mum. I knew that when I left that night that that was the last time I would see him. I knew that Warwick would want to be with his loving wife when he died so I returned to my husband and 17mth old daughter and waited for dad to call me.

I have sometimes wished I had been with him when he took his last breath as I feel it probably would have helped me in the grieving process, but I was struck with fear, I didn’t want him to hear my cries and I didn’t want to take away time with his wife and baby boy. Life without him has brought a lot of changes, disagreements in the family, changed traditions because we needed to create new ones, bonds within the 4 of us made closer and an appreciation for how precious life is.

19 months ago, it was my darling dads turn to leave this earth. My dad was the first man I ever loved . He was this tall dark and handsome man that made me feel safe, loved and supported right up until he died. It’s difficult to compare the loss of both these very special men, Warwick’s death was difficult to accept because of his age and although Dad was fortunate enough to make 77 and he had lived and full and happy life, living without him has been hard at times, he had a wonderful strong presence in our family and amongst his friends and colleagues, the dynamics are so different now.

I asked him when we were told his illness was going to kill him if he was scared? He looked me straight in the eye and said Nope, I don’t know if he was and was just trying to protect me or rather that he had a good think about death over the years since we lost Warwick and just accepted what was to come. I asked him how did you get on with your life after you lost your parents? He replied, "because I had you kids and mum". I knew then that I was going to be able to get through this loss because I had loved ones that counted on me and I also knew I would have to help and support mum after losing the greatest love of her life.

My parents adored each other, I admired their marriage because it was solid, they were both incredibly loyal and supportive of each other and although they were never really the same after we lost Warwick, none of us were, but they got on with their life as best they could and surrounded themselves around positive and loving friends and family.

The waves of grief still visit me now and again, some weeks I feel fine and comfortable with life and then bang I’m crying for my dad because he always made things seem better and brighter. It was a privilege to be with dad right till the end and see him leave this earth peacefully and pain free, just how he wanted it - just mum, Alistair and me. I like to believe that when it’s my time I will see these beautiful 3 people again but right now I’m focused on living my life and being the best I can be and getting on with it, just like dad would want. Mums doing really well now, something I was very concerned about, but she has surprised me with her resilience and passion for life she misses him terribly but has mostly good days.

I’m no expert on grief but I think I’m well placed to offer some kind advice to someone who may have just had a loss and suggest some helpful tips I have learned that could really help the healing process.

1. Be kind to yourself – Often you will go into shock and your body will release stress hormones, have warm baths, go have a massage, drink healing teas, do whatever you do that brings you comfort and relaxation

2. Avoid alcohol or drugs– having a drink or two is ok but if you are struggling don’t use alcohol to numb your pain, it’s not worth it. I have never done this but I have been told by a professional that this a very common way people deal with their grief. It’s not the answer.

3. Write down your thoughts and memories and yes you will probably go over moments, times and memories with your loved ones, this is normal.

4. Talk to a grief counsellor or Psychologist who can help you to process your grief in a healing and helpful way. It took me 2 years after Warwick died to seek help, I wish I had done it sooner.

5. Surround yourself with good people who love you and accept you unconditionally.

6. Whatever you are feeling is ok, the anger, the sadness, anxiety are all normal and part of the process, these feelings will come and go, let them be there, cry when you want or need to, there is no time frame for you to be healed, you will never be the same person and that is ok too.

7. Take your time and move gently, To escape the pain you think that if you make changes to your life it’s a healthy distraction like moving house or changing jobs, I started a new business 8 mths after Warwick died, I also had another business going, it was full on!!! a great distraction but what I really needed to do was just grieve and take some time for myself. Try not make any major decisions in the first 12 mths.

I hope that any one reading this will find comfort and understanding from someone who has experienced loss. I understand now that to love and be loved are the greatest gifts we can give and receive and that when there is death it is our privilege to honour our loved ones with our tears.

I can only imagine how hard it would be to go through a break up after a long term relationship, I like most of us have had my heart broken, there were a couple of significant ones before I started going out with my husband,

I remember it being very painful, what was wrong with me? Wasn’t I good enough? I now realise they were not the right men for me and I was good enough and there was nothing wrong with me, for whatever reasons, timing, different values, different priorities they didn’t work out and it was all for the best because it lead me to my husband Andrew.

We have been together for 21 years which is half my life, I cant believe that sometimes. Our marriage is certainly not perfect, we have our disagreements on things, we are still trying to navigate our way through being good loving parents. We get caught up in life and neglect our relationship needs but we try to work on that and have time away together or go out on dates.

What I love about our marriage is that I can count on him, he is an incredibly loyal person, he has the best sense of humour and most of all he accepts me completely and loves me for me. He is truly my best friend and I know I am blessed to have such a good man in my life. When I think about the type of men I dated before him their values were different, they were not humble or as caring as Andrew and they were definitely more selfish and immature maybe they have grown into good men and I hope they have but at the time I needed someone just like Andrew. I also think having a beautiful loving father helped me choose someone kind and special, I dated dodgy guys but I never married one.

I’ve had to witness a couple of very close friends going through a break up after a long term relationship, it’s painful to see someone you care about so much go through so much stress and upheaval it’s difficult to know what to do and how to help support them, Being there for them unconditionally is a start and to assist where you can for practical things like helping out with the kids or cooking some meals for her and her family is also good during the early days as they adjust to the changes at home.

When I started this business I knew I had to create something helpful for people going through a divorce or relationship break up. Sending someone a comforting gift box can communicate how much you care and also let them know that you are there for them.

Both men and women experience grief during the breakdown of a marriage or a long term relationship so finding something suitable for them is now made easy through The Empathy Gift Co. I have sourced some wonderful helpful books from writers who understand the pain and challenges of a breakup, great advice that really does help. I have also got some fantastic pampering products for your special people to feel confident and bring about some calm as they go through these stressful changes.

Today I interviewed a beautiful woman called Sarah, Sarah was kind enough to open up to me about her experience of going through a divorce.

Sam – How long were you together and what was great about your relationship?

Sarah We were together for 14 years, married for 10 of those. Initially our relationship was fun and free and easy, but he pushed the envelope with drinking and partying which I thought would stop once we were married. It didn't.

He was really keen to have kids and he promised me once they arrived that he'd change, but he never did. Things got progressively worse and it felt like he resented me and the kids for getting in the way of his lifestyle. He never wanted to do anything with us as a family and we just drifted apart...and I was engulfed with loneliness.

Sam – Describe some of the hard times in your relationship...

Sarah - He was out of work for about 2 years after changing jobs. I went back to work full time and felt completely overwhelmed with being a mother, being responsible for the finances and running a house. He did little to help and his party lifestyle continued. As fast as I was earning money, he was spending it and our mortgage grew and grew. I'd resigned to the fact that this was my life. I felt miserable, and trapped. At this point of our marriage there was no intimacy. We were like flat mates. We argued a lot and I cried a lot. He convinced me I was stressed because of having small children and my work. I was exhausted and very thin.

Sam – When you knew the relationship was over and you made this break, what were some of the biggest challenges?

Not long after this I discovered he was having an affair. I wasn't shattered...but relieved almost. I was scared for my kids though. I didn't want this for them. I'd seen other families go through this and it's awful. He wanted to try and stay together and work things out, but I couldn't. I knew at this point that I wasn't in love with him. I don't think I had been for quite some time.

I talked a lot to friends and family, my mum and generally people I respected and valued. They were all echoing the same sentiments.... "we'll support any decision you make, but you deserve so much better." I didn't believe it at the time, but I knew I could not spend one more day being married to this man. I'd been so giving and supportive throughout our marriage, but I was done. I knew I had the support to leave. My family surrounded me like a pack of wolves and protected me and my kids...... and I asked him for a divorce.

Sam – How did you and your kids cope with the break up and changes to the family unit?

Sarah - Initially I was scared...and a little bit excited to be completely honest. My kids though, were all over the place. They were confused, clingy and really poorly behaved. They wouldn't sleep in their own beds, were waking up through the night and mornings were a nightmare. I was overtired, as were they, and it was generally a struggle. Slowly I slipped in to mild depression. I acknowledged that I wasn't coping and got the help I needed and with medication and counselling I got through it.

The counselling really helped me understand what my kids were going through and how best to deal with it. They needed more routine and lots of cuddles and reassurance. Slowly but surely things got easier. Basically everything in my life apart from work had to go on the back burner and I had to focus on my kids.

Sam - Do you think this experience has changed you?

Sarah -This experience has changed me, definitely it has. I'm still the same person, kind, giving, fun... but I'm a lot stronger. I don't let people push me around and I make my own decisions. I love that. If I needed support earlier on I'd go to my family for advice whether it be financial/emotional or generally just to bounce ideas off them.

I have a partner now and he's a great support. He sometimes says that I'm a control freak. I'm working on that.

Sam - What advice could you offer to anyone going through a break up?

Sarah -

*Try and keep it civil. No matter how much the person has hurt or disappointed you, keep your cool.

*If kids are involved, make them your focus. Give them lots of affection and reassurance that everything is going to be ok.

*Don't tell people your business.

*Don't be in a hurry to date. Give yourself time to grieve and heal before you embark on a new romantic relationship.

*getting a divorce is not the end of the world. Just don't make the same mistakes in your next relationship. Learn.

*seek professional help ie) lawyer, mortgage broker, financial consultant, Psychologist

*surround yourself with good, positive, caring people. They're the only ones who'll be there in the end.

Looking back, I thought my life was over. I know now it was only just beginning.

Id like to thank Sarah for being so open about her marriage break up and generous with her helpful advice, I really hope that someone reading this will find some hope and comfort that they too can come out the other side of a relationship break up stronger and happier and if so be find the man of your dreams like Sarah has now.

After months of sourcing products and support from a dear friend building my website, The Empathy Gift Co. has now launched!

The first two weeks have been very productive, I’ve packed and delivered 20 gift boxes for people going through divorce, grief, birthdays and Mother’s Day. I love knowing that my gift boxes are bringing a smile to someone's day.

I'm confident my business will succeed

My short-term goal is to do 6-8 gift boxes per day and I’m confident I’ll get there. Why? Because I’m working hard to share my business and talking to others about it, I’ve also got some great google Ads going.

As I mentioned to a friend the other day, "oh well if the business fails at least I will have presents to give for the rest of my life". For me that’s the worst that can happen, I’m not afraid of failure in business. I do feel pressure to make it work because I’ve spent our family money on stock but as far as my ego is concerned I know it will be ok if it doesn’t work out…..I’ve experienced worse things.

Online is a whole new world for me

This website business is certainly different to bricks and mortar, I’m so used to being on the shop floor and selling.

Not having that face to face interaction is something I suppose I’ll get used to. I plan on using my selling skills and experience to approach corporates and hopefully I can secure some ongoing business relationships with them.

The people interaction is important to me, I love people and learning about them.

Mental illness should bring no shame

In my last Blog, I spoke about being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, GAD, which stands for Generalised Anxiety Disorder, which basically means I worry about a lot of things.

I’ve had a few people approach me since then and share with me their experiences with mental illness,

I commend people for reaching out because to be honest mental illness today still carries a lot of shame and embarrassment. People who have never suffered often don’t understand, get it or know how to support someone going through a tough time with it.

I can relate on so many levels

I don’t know a lot about other mental illnesses such as Bipolar, eating disorders, Schizophrenia, social anxiety or OCD but I think I can pretty much say I’m an expert on general anxiety and even though I don’t completely understand these other mental illnesses, I do try to be compassionate and non-judgemental.

I know how it feels to experience extreme fear, panic attacks, racing thoughts and depression and It’s the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced because it’s something you can’t actually control or stop. You feel powerless, vulnerable and it can be so debilitating you can’t even function.

My anxiety has manifested from taking on too much and trying to do and be everything and its certainly increased after the loss of my beautiful brother 12 years ago, and most recently my darling Dad.

I take time to take care of me

I’m an extroverted person so having an outgoing personality has helped me reach out for help when I have had to, and lean on true friends when I’ve needed it most.

I have it under control these days, I make time to take care of me, like exercising, following a good diet, taking long baths, acupuncture and having regular massages,

I also make sure I surround myself with positive, genuine and loving people, all these things make a huge difference to your mental health.

I can’t emphasise how important self-care is, especially when you’re a Mum,

I’ve learnt that my girls won’t be happy if I’m not so I make myself a priority too,

I can't give to others unless I'm taking care of me, I've learnt the hard way.

Take a step back and make some changes

So, if you're reading this and you have had some issues with anxiety, take a step back, look at your work load, make some changes and overall, just be kind to yourself.

Do things that bring you relaxation and spend time with people who make you laugh and accept you for you. It will make a world of difference.

And be there for others who you know may be suffering too

If you know or love someone who has a mental illness, be kind, try not to judge, offer your support if they are struggling or even better send them a Gift Box from The Empathy Gift Co to show you truly care.

Mental illness can feel very isolating, even though you may know that others suffer too. You do not feel yourself and this makes you feel very alone. Your brain plays tricks on you and it really is frightening for the sufferer.

Try to practise Empathy you will be glad you did. X

My name is Samantha Lehmann. I am a wife and Mum to two beautiful girls, and a cheeky cavoodle called Ginger.

I have gone through some very painful experiences in my life.

At the age of 35, only a little over a year after the birth of my first child, my gorgeous brother Warwick, died of a brain tumour.

Most recently my darling Dad died after a very short battle with cancer.

At the age of 19, after a couple of stressful events I began to have some very uncomfortable anxiety symptoms: panic attacks; trouble sleeping; lack of appetite; heart palpitations; and racing thoughts. These symptoms went on for months, I withdrew from socialising, avoided my friends and then I developed depression. By far, the worst feeling I have ever experienced.

I did not seek help at this time I just pushed through it and healed on my own - which took a very long time,

Once the depression lifted I still experienced anxiety symptoms off and on until at the age of 24 I reached out for help and went and saw a doctor. He diagnosed me with anxiety and I started taking medication, which helped so much.

It wasn’t until I was in my early 30s after having children that I was finally diagnosed with an anxiety disorder called GAD. I manage it the best way I can and I reach out for help when I have setbacks.

Despite this, I live a normal, full life. I have been blessed with a wonderful, happy and loving childhood and I am now fortunate to have a beautiful family and wonderful group of friends.

Nice sentiments, but no real comfort

When I lost these special people in my life I was given lots and lots of flowers and although I appreciated the sentiment, I didn't feel comforted by them - they were simply that, a nice sentiment.

Similarly, when I have had severe bouts of anxiety, friends have reached out to me through flowers.

And there's nothing more depressing than watching a house full of flowers wilt and die while you're dealing with your own feelings and trying to move onto the next stage of your life.

The fact is, flowers really are no longer enough.

When someone is grieving, or going through a tough time there need to be gifts available in the market that can be more helpful and comforting.

Helping you convey what no words can

I decided to start this business as I felt there just wasn't a gifting company out there focused on supporting people going through challenging times.

Let's face it, nothing takes us out of our comfort zone more than trying to find the right words to say to someone who is really struggling. Very few of us get it right...in fact most of us, unintentionally, get it so very wrong.

Helping others heal and be well

I have created some wonderful healing and wellness gift packages to support people facing physical illness, mental illness, even challenging circumstances such as divorce and miscarriage - or even something special for a carer or family member, simply needing some comfort.

I have spent a lot of time carefully selecting beautiful quality and helpful gifts suitable for people experiencing a range of situations. I hope you like what I have chosen.

And I hope you feel comfortable in the belief that that each and every gift will convey to your friend or family member exactly how you feel about, and want to support them through, their current circumstance - good or bad - without the need for words.

Our gifts come from the heart....as do your sentiments.

Always room for improvement

Whilst I have drawn from my own experiences when choosing the range of products available, I haven't been directly affected by so many of life's circumstances.

So please, if there's something missing from my site that you think I absolutely MUST have, send through your thoughts and I'll look into it. No idea is a bad idea.

I hope you like what I've created and I look forward to helping you help your loved ones heal and be happy.